The Guide

There are some things(or some people) that tend to irk me(and all other sane people) beyond measure. So, I’ve made a list, a guide, for all such people. If you do any of these things, this is a REALLY good time to stop. Trust me, you’ll thank me later! 🙂

1.  If I’m singing, you do not just start singing along. I hate to break this to you, but this just isn’t ‘GLEE‘ or ‘High School Musical‘. This, my friend, is real life. It isn’t cute or endearing. It’s plain irritating.

2. Typing like your keyboard is having a seizure(for e.g: typing “Hi there, what’s up? How have you been?’ as “HiiEE dre wtz Up? Hw hV yEW  Bn?”) does not make you seem cool. It really doesn’t.  It does, however, make you seem deranged. Note: The same goes for incorrect Grammar/Spellings.

3. There are those of us who tend to start ohmygosh-ing at everything. Yes, at even the most mundane things. I fail to understand why! This needs to stop. It’s creepy, and beyond lame. Enough said! 

4. Faking a British/American accent does not make you an ‘Angraiz’, however hard you may try. It’s nauseating – Please stop trying so freaking hard. This leaves me looking like this:

5. Speaking ‘Urdu’ as if it’s ‘Arabic’ does not make a better Muslim, contrary to what you may think.

 Normal Guy speaking urdu: Assalamo-Aleikum! Kya hal hai aap ka?

Guy who speaks Urdu like Arabic: Usss-salamm-oh-aleih-hukumh! Key-yah Hal-ah hai-ah aap-ah kah?

See what I mean? It’s plain weird!

6. Posting pictures and video of Twilight/Bieber/One Direction and polluting everyone’s Facebook/Twitter homepage is terrible. It’s evil. They’re over-rated. Get over them.

7. Writing the word ‘Breathe’ as ‘Breath’, and vice versa. This needs to stop. “Breathe” is defined as “to take air, oxygen, etc., into the lungs and expel it; inhale and exhale; respire.”  “Breath” is defined as “the air inhaled and exhaled in respiration.” See the difference now? It isn’t rocket science. Mistaking these two for each other is downright disturbing. Please stop doing this. Now.

8. Tagging a dozen people in your profile picture and/or cover photo when the photo is of you alone is lame. I don’t know why you do this, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you do it to get more likes/comments. Yes. Now, you see how utterly pathetic it truly is?! This too, needs to stop. Please.

9. Tweets/Status Updates about the weather. Now, really? No, I mean, like, really?! We’re not living in rabbit holes, trust me, we do know what it’s like outside. And no, we have no desire whatsoever to read about how you’re sweating buckets or shivering like a goddamn dog. You like the rain? Fine, but keep it to yourself, darls!

10. Swearing unnecessarily is not cool. It will not make you cool. It never was cool. It’s highly unbecoming.

11. Changing your relashionship status every week is not cool either. Frankly, no one really gives two shits about you going from ‘in a relashionship’ to ‘it’s complicated’ to ‘single’ to back to ‘in a relashionship‘. It just litters out homepage.

                

12.Uploading Emo pictures/Albums is pathetic. We know you’re creepy, do you really want to prove it now?

13. Keep your  unhealthy ‘Anime’ obsession (Naruto/Bleach/Death Note) to yourself. Yes, that means an end to anime-based status updates, tweets, display pictures, cover photos, quotes, wall-posts etc etc. Note: The same goes for all similar obsessions!

14. Nail art/ Nail Paint Freaks. Kindly refrain from uploading photos of your hands and feet with creepy nail paint/art/desings or whatever you want to call them. It’s not cute. No, not even a teensy bit.

      

15. Checking in at every single place on the planet  is unnecessary. You go a mile away from home and I see you checking in at some place. Exaple: ‘Sarah is at Club Road‘.

16. So you watched a movie. What’s the big deal? Do you really have to post a gazillion statuses and wall-posts about it in every possible way?! Do you really have to tell us that you loved it or hated it in about fifty different ways? We really do not care. Nope, we just don’t. I’m saying it again incase you missed it; We just do not care.

17. So, you want to tell us how your day went. Okay, fine. But posting about thirty lines about your stupid day with all the stupid details is just not normal. I said it before, and I’ll say it again; We do not care. And tagging half of your friend-list just makes it worse! It’s almost like you’re showing off, but that’d be absurd since clearly, your day wasn’t as great as you’re attempting to imply.

  

I guess that’s enough for now. Ofcourse, there are more things I could add, but I’m afraid I won’t ever stop and since I’ve got exams coming that may not be such a great idea! So, this is The Guide – learn it, love it, and live it because this is going to save you from embarassing and humilating yourself!It’s never too late, starting now, you can finally appear to be sane/normal. Isn’t that awesome? 😀 I know you will thank me someday 😉 Au revoir!